Don't let life pass you by....

I have been thinking so much lately that I feel like I have 88239729837 thoughts in my head that just won't get out. I feel like life is passing me by and I'm just letting it. People say that only WE can change the world and change our futures, but what if the world isn't allowing us to change OUR futures. While writing this it may come off jumbled and out there, but it's the best way to describe my feelings and my life and what I'm going through. I'm currently listening to The Verve Bittersweet Symphony I seriously believe that this song is how I am feeling right now.

I feel like I'm begging for something more, something that is going to define me. I look in the mirror and realize I have no life goals, I have no passions, or aspirations. Don't get me wrong I am so happy to be a wife, a mother and a birthmom and I cherish the opportunities that have been given to me to be able to share our story, but I am seriously wondering if this is my breaking point.

I consume myself with work, family, and wife things and it just seems like I'm giving the best of myself to all of that and I tend to forget myself, my needs, my wants, passions, aspirations etc.

I have been searching all over trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have always wanted to be an English Teacher but I feel like motivation leaves me every chance I get to go there. Not only motivation but money. Money is a huge stressor for me.....I feel like I am completely drowning...all I want is for my family to have a great life. Yes, we don't have that many material things, we live in an apartment and have one car between the 2 of us. It seems so simple but it really isnt. I love my life don't get me wrong, I'm just tired of living week to week and wondering.....how are holidays going to go? Birthdays? Is this what my life is going to be?

I feel like I have nothing....(yes I have my family) but I mean other than that....what do I want to do with my life? what do I want to be? what do I want to see?

Just some thoughts I will try and figure all this out on another blog......but for now.....this is all i have because these are all the thoughts going through my head.

::Inspired.....::

So, I read through someone else's blog, and I thought that I would just do this as well. Seems pretty closurish.

Dear 13-year old Alicia-

You're 13, you've spent most of your life getting made fun of because of your red hair and your buck teeth but guess what you get those braces off and you are heading into high school soon. Your freshmen year is going to be full of new things, new adventures, new friends, and a whirlwind of hormones.

Try out for more sports, become more involved with student activities and don't be afraid to put yourself out there. Yes, you will try out for the softball team and you will make it. But don't be upset if you don't play as many games as you would like. It's all a learning process and they are just doing it so you understand the game more and can make yourself out there. Get to know more of the girls and don't judge them by the way that they dress, act or speak. They will grow up one day.


You will have a best-friend that you will try to tell not to do things, but learn from her. She is stubborn but don't try and change how she is because she will one day learn from her experiences. Stand up for yourself.

Realize that when you are a senior you will apply to many schools and you will get into all of them, but go with your gut, go where you want to go, not go somewhere just because it's more expensive then other places.

Make more friends, don't hang out with a boy just because he's good looking, save yourself for that right person.

You will make a beautiful mother and you will do great things with your life. Just use your head and your heart.

Love always-
Alicia-the 23 year old you-

OH...here are some pictures from Courtney's Wedding :D

The bride being given away by her dad she looked so beautiful

Saying their vows

Tried to get all of the bridesmaids in this....the girl on the very right is our niece Kaitlyn :D

The beautiful centerpieces

The first dance as Husband and Wife

Dancing with  her dad

Denny dancing with his mom

All of the bridesmaids

Outside of the church

On our way to the reception :D

::So much to update!::

Ok, I said that I wouldn't be coming back here until my 365 challenge was up but I just thought that I should update here as well.

::August 6, 2010 I married my best friend we have been married for 61 days so far and it is amazing :D I couldn't be happier::

::September has been crazy at work and unfortunately because we don't have the sales that we should our hours have been cut :( I'm super upset by it because i will no longer have the 35 hours a week that I have been so now I'm down to 19 hours...that's a lot of money that we are losing.::

::October 2, 2010 Trent's niece Courtney was married to her best friend and it was a beautiful day with a beautiful bride. Even though Trents brother and his wife were there I didn't say a word to her and barely a word to his brother because they just aren't worth it. She told Trent that "If you're happy I'm happy for you" which is so fake and such b.s. but whatever makes her feel better about herself.::

Upcoming events:

::October 27, our adoption will be finalized....it's such a sad thing, but such an amazing thing all at the same time. I am so happy for Ezra, Kris, and Timmy just still sad about it all but it's going to be amazing he has such an amazing life!

October 30 is halloween time in Terre Haute Kaelyn is going to be Cinderella and I have no idea what Ethyn is going to be so I'm stuck....any suggestions would help

October 31 Ezra gets blessed in the LDS church and I'm so excited for him....he has such a wonderful like and such amazing parents!

November 6 is Kaelyns 4th birthday party!! Pinatas and finger foods everyone and their kids are invited!

November 7 is Kaelyns 4th Birthday...I can't believe that she is already going to be 4...she is getting sooo big!

I will continue updates as things get closer!

Happy Wife, Happy life XOXOX

Taking the challenge....

So, while going through my weddingbuzz, the nest, and my mommyhood chats on facebook I came upon the 365 day photo challenge posted by a friend of mine and I decided to take it....so I am sorry to say this but this blog will probably go without notice for some time. Day 1 started today. Take a look at my 365 day photo challenge.

 365 Day Photo Challenge

Have fun!

Sad and Tired....

This week has been a long week. I find myself feeling bad for things I shouldn't feel bad for....I feel like I can't show things or have things be shown because I feel like I'm 8 and getting yelled at for taking the last cookie without asking.

Yesterday I received some news from my doctor which kind of scares me. Knowing that it could be nothing makes it easier, but knowing that it could be something makes it harder. I miss Ezra everyday and I'm sad because I feel like I don't get to enjoy him which I knew would happen and thats fine....I'm just allowed to feel this way but I HATE feeling this way.

Uggh....I just really hope the next couple months get easier...

Til Death..Do us Part...

So, while on Facebook going through my normal Weddingbuzz day lol of forums and posts...I ran across this...and it spoke sooo true to my heart....

Here's a story a friend of mine posted.. it made me open my eyes just a little.




MARRIAGE



When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.



Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.



She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?



I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!



With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.



She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.



The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.



When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.



In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.



This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.



She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.



I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.



My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside



the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.



On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.



On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.



On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.



She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.



Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.



Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.



But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.



I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.



She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.



Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.



At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.



That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.



My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....



The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!



If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.



If you do, you just might save a marriage.



Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.



A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.



So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

Feeling backwards...

Feeling like if life is not one thing/way it's another.

We had a baby so I've been off work for awhile....need to get back to work or we'll be living out of our car...

Our car is literally taking a crap and if we don't get it fixed we will be living out of a car that doesn't have heat.

UGGH I know that God tests the best of us because he wouldn't test us if he didn't know that we could handle it...but really...I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I'm already stressed, ragged, emotional, sad, happy, upset, glad, ecstatic all in one and I'm not a big fan of that. I would like to have just one or 2 emotions a day not 10 all at once. This is getting really hard....

It's like ever since we did such a great thing for someone else it seems like our lives are going down the pooper. I mean our family is great together...just wish things good would start happening for us.

How To Sum Up The Past 2 weeks {{Is that possible?}}

Ok, so that past 2 weeks have been AMAZING. I use that word a lot but it is the easiest word to use. Because really there are no words to describe all of the emotions that have been going through my head the past couple of weeks. Maybe to be able to sum it all up I have to go day by day. So, bear with me, it's my way of keeping my emotions in check, and coping with all the good and the sad.

{{Tuesday, June 1, 2010}}
Such an exciting day. Kris&Timmy were flying out this evening to see come for Ezra's arrival. Needless to say I didn't get much done. I was trying to stay busy and keep focused and get some cleaning done but that just didn't happen. It was just a very relaxing and exciting day with so much going on I can barely remember it all.

{{Wednesday, June 2, 2010}}
This was just a great day! Timmy and Kris had arrived safe and sound and I would get a little bit of "day time" with Kris as well as get to have them around for my doctor's appointment. They got to hear Ezra's heartbeat as well as get to be in the room with me while the doctor set up my induction time and pretty much made it official that we were having a baby the next day, bright and early! After the doctor's appointment Kris and I went to get pedicures. We wanted to get blue toes, I originally thought that Kris should get an E (for Ezra) and she could add some polka dots, but we had a NAZI nail lady who insisted that we get flowers....so since the lady spent so much time on the flower I decided oh well I'll keep it. (Kris later went and covered her flower up haha). After the pedicure we went to BabiesRUs and I showed Kris what it was like to park in the "Expecting Mothers" parking. We had to get a boppy and a boppy cover (which Kris was able to get the one that she liked online) :D. After that running around we picked up the boys and the kiddos and decided to hit up my place of employment and have some lunch. I introduced them to some fried pickles (which because I was still pregnant they were AMAZING...and they still are!) We then decided to go home because they were coming over later. Which they came over later and Kris made the most amazing Spaghetti and Meatballs on the planet. Trent can agree because he ate it for leftovers. :D. After dinner we went out seperate ways because we had a long day the next day (at least we hoped it wasn't toooo long)

**Later that night**
So, I was supppose to be up at 4 am (I set this time because I wanted time to get ready) well...needless to say I had NO sleep....I think maybe 2 hours.

{{Thursday, June 3, 2010}}
D-DAY!!! (Delivery Day)
Woke up at 4:15-4:30ish and got ready. at 5:30 headed to the hospital to get ready for my induction! Around 6:30 I finally received my PITOCIN! It was pretty awesome. The whole day was PERFECTION. I asked for the epidural before the doctor came in to break my water because I knew if the doctor broke my water before I got the epidural that things would just be worse. So, perfection means that when I asked for my epidural the anesthesiologist walks in and then the doctor walked in right after they started to put the epidural in. Wooo. So, I got lucky. Then after they did the epidural the doctor came in and broke my water and finally around 12:15 I started feeling like OMG I have to push. And finally, at 12:33 PM Ezra made his debut! And the only thing that I could ask everyone was "does he have hair"...and the reason that I wanted to know that was because I wanted to know if my heartburn had a reason! :D And of course he had hair!!! AND he has blue eyes. All the more amazing. That whole day was a whirlwind.

I was told not to eat from midnight on the night before because right after I had Ezra I was suppose to have my tubal ligation and unfortunately because of ALL the babies that were being born that day (7 all together) and so unfortunately I didn't eat for 18 hours and was finally told you will have your surgery in the morning go ahead and eat. So, because Timmy is so awesome he went and got me some food! And I let Kris&Timmy enjoy their time with Ezra, and to make sure that they were able to get the most time of the feedings, and also the diaper changing they could. So, Kris and Timmy stayed on the couch in my room so that Ezra could stay in the room with us. After all of that was said and done I was exhausted and just passed out!

{{Friday, June 4, 2010}}
Bright and Early, because I was having surgery I didn't eat yet again! So, at 9:30 because I was still so exhausted they headed me down to surgery (I had to have general anesthesia) so I get downstairs and I pass out because I'm super exhausted, but they wheel me in the room to start my surgery and they say breath this in (supposedly it was oxygen)  but after about 5 or 6 breaths I PASSED OUT! Next thing I remember I am going back into my room and getting back into my bed and going back to sleep because I'm soooo exhausted. I wake up remember eating, and remember how much pain I was in, looked down at my belly button and realize it has these tape pieces on it. I didn't even want to see the incision. Friday was a dramatic day, come to find out that Ezra wasn't able to be discharged without a court order (just a wrench in the whole adoption thing) and I couldn't sign papers because I had been under the anesthesia and I wasn't able to make an "informed" decision until 24 hours after the anesthesia wore off. So, we ended up having to stay in the hospital until Monday.

**SKIP TO MONDAY** (the weekend was full of the everyday thing, feedings, holding Ezra, spending time with Kris&Timmy and seeing all the visitors)

{{Monday, June 7, 2010}}
One of the hardest days of my entire life. The night before, everything was okay, until Ezra had his first "hungry, unhappy" cry. And, then all of the sudden my "mommy mode" came into play and I started to bawl my eyes out. I tried to keep it on the down low, because I didn't really want to show my sensitive side. So, I cried, and then just went to sleep. So, in the morning Dave showed up around 10:00 to start the paperwork. Before this Kris&Timmy went upstairs and had their showers and so I called Ezra in from the nursery to have my alone time. So, when Dave arrived Maria was there as well and she read me this book that just made me cry some more. But finally, after the time I was able to sign the papers (Ezra still in arms). There were so many people in the room it ust felt really unreal. But after the papers were signed we invited Kris&Timmy back in the room and I wanted to be able to give her Ezra and call tell her "Hi, Mommy"...to just let her know that it was official, the moment she had been waiting for had finally come, and it was official.

I was discharged from the hospital that day and so was Ezra. Leaving was hard. I slept most of the day, barely ate and pretty much cried whenever I saw something that had Ezra on it, clothes I had worn when I was pregnant with Ezra, and even his ultrasound picture, I bawled my eyes out. I had to sleep with the elephant that they got me just to feel "relaxed".

{{Tuesday, June 8, 2010}}
A day of crying ...that's really all I can say about this day.

{{June 9-11, 2010}}
These days were filled with visiting Ezra and relaxing with the new parents! (THEY FINALLY GOT A FACEBOOK)

{{Saturday, June 12, 2010}}
Trent and I have been looking into religion a lot. We haven't been quite feeling our church and what it stands for and we have been questioning faith and what it means and where we come from etc. So, we were talking to Kris & Timmy about their religion. They are LDS/Mormon. And they were able to get us a meeting with the missionaries so we could talk about it and start the whole process. We had our first meeting with the missionaries and it was amazing. Really opened our eyes. So, we decided that we would go to church the next day.

{{Sunday, June 13, 2010}}
Our first church service...again AMAZING. Ok, it was awkward, but not in a bad way. When they did sacrament and passed the bread, and the water around I felt like we were in a Catholic church where if you weren't baptized in the church then you couldn't take of the "communion". Well, Kaelyn had a piece of the bread but we ended up just passing the bread and water down to Timmy. But come to find out we could've taken the bread and water but hey you live and you learn. Church is 3 hours long so we ended up only staying for the first hour. But that was to get a feel for it and we really liked it. We will just remember to bring more coloring books, and fruit snacks!

{{Monday, June 14, 2010}}
Another day of visiting with Kris, Timmy and Ezra. Also, had another meeting visiting with the missionaries and having another lesson. After the missionaries left Kris and Timmy let me in on the fact that they had received their okay to leave the state and to go home. I was prepared for them to go home on Thursday but hadn't prepared myself for the fact that they were leaving sooner. I think I got too used to the fact that they were in town, and seemed to forget that they weren't from here. I got used to them being a fixture in my life. But it's ok. I did break down and cry a little bit but I realized that they are homesick, and that they need to get back home and be in their own routine. Which is fine.

{{Tuesday, June 15, 2010}}
Today was the last day for a little bit that I'd get to see Ezra. So, I made sure that I spent as much time as possible with Ezra, Kris&Timmy. I gave my kisses, and my hugs and said my "see you laters" because there is no such thing as "Goodbye"..it's always see you later.

I already miss them. I miss ALL of them. I miss my family. I miss Ezra because I carried him for 9 months there is no way that I could sit here and say that I don't love him and that it doesn't  hurt that he's gone. I can't say that I won't miss Kris because she is like a sister to me, and she's like the big sister I never had. She is so amazing and I am so proud that I was able to make her the mom she has always wanted to be. And I will miss Timmy because he's so hilarious! He can make you laugh no matter what, but yet still have the serious side, Trent pretty much calls him his ninja friend! I can't wait until December. I am hoping that we can $ave so that we can make that trip.

**So as we were visiting Kris&Timmy Trent received a phone call from the employment office thing that he applied through and HE GOT A JOB! It only pays $8.00/hour but it's a JOB...it gets him off unemployment and OUT OF THE HOUSE! WOOOOOO :D**

All in all it has been the most amazing 2 weeks of my life. Good, and sad....it has been the best. I love my family. I can now say I'm not only a Mommy, but a Birthmommy and that makes me proud.

I had to lose a part of my heart to make Kris' heart full....and believe me it's worth it. No matter how hard it is. ~Be the hope you wish to see in the world~

<3

Today....was better

Monday..was the day.

I cried a lot that day.

I wished it was still May.

Tuesday...began with tears.

As I sat and went through all of my fears.

I asked myself how I'd make it through the next few years.

Today....I saw perfection and love.

I got to hold him in my arms.

There were no tears today.

Today....was better.

a PERFECT arrival

June 3rd 2010, 12:33 pm, 8 lbs 4 oz, 21 inches long. Ezra Hunter was born.

the induction

the epidural

the water breakage

the pushing

the arrival...

ALL PERFECT.

Coming home...it hasn't been perfect, but no one said it would. No one said it was easy.

Must start the healing process....whatever that may be.

38 Weeks....and 8 days to go!!!!

So there it is....38 weeks PREGO! And yes, its OFFICIAL only 8 days left! My doctor has scheduled my induction for June 3rd!!!! (39 weeks and 1 day!) I have a doctors appointment Wednesday at 9:45 and then the next day I have to be at the hospital at 6 am! (That means waking up at 4 am.....that's to make sure that the kids are taken care of, and that there is someone here to be with the puppy, to make sure that I look good..(first labor where I will get to wear make-up and be like Theresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey....JUST FABULOUS).

The most exciting part is that Kris&Timmy will be here in 6 days! And we get to spend a full day with them without feeling rushed. It's going to be awesome! I just simply cannot wait to finally be able to bless such amazing people with such an amazing gift....the gift of LIFE. Ezra you are sooo loved and you have no idea. And I can't wait to give you to the most amazing people I've ever met in my entire life, with so much unconditional love.....June 3rd will be one of the greatest days in my life. I can add it to the birth of my other 2 amazingly beautiful blessings Kaelyn (November 7, 2006) and Ethyn (February 20, 2008). June 3rd (hopefully he is out that day haha) 2010 will be a GREAT day.

:D

{{Hot and HUMID}} POOOOOL TIME!

So, after the past week being filled with 60 degree weather and storms we have been issued HOT AND HUMID for the next week. Today it was 92 degrees! So, what better to do in the midwest then go SWIMMING in a 62 degree pool :D YAY. The kids and Trent went swimming while I sat and watched. I'm way tooooo pregnant and I really don't want Ezra to come in a swimming pool lol.

After the kids ate they got to eat at McDonalds....chicken nuggets and FRENCH FRIES :D Enjoy the pictures below....Ethyn at first didn't like the pool, but after he got the hang of it he was JUMPING in and everything to Trent. :D

Full Term......[[37 weeks]]

This is the 36 week picture to compare! Ezra must be proving the books right and gainging that HALF a POUND of weight each week after 6!!!! He wants to be a big boy!

37 weeks :D EVERYTHING IS BIGGGGGGGER.....and I'm not just talking about the belly. Everything upstairs is starting to get bigger, and more sensitive.....THANK YOU MOTHER NATURE :D!

So, went to the doctor last Friday and he said that I'm still the way that I was the last time I was checked. At least my cervix has dropped a little bit and it's not so "high up" which at first hearing that your cervix is realllly high is kind of nervewrecking. But found out that Ezra is doing well and he's getting big. I am pretty excited about finally being considered FULL TERM! Means that whenever Ezra decides he wants to come out he is ready and no one can stop him!

I have a doctors appointment this Friday to just have my regular check up. I hope that next week at my next appointment after this one that I can start talking about the induction. The doctor said that because I switched doctors he just got the information about my very FIRST ultrasound and that the due date was more accurate when the baby doesnt have the femur and other bones etc, so he made my due date June 12th...but me personally I'm still going with my June 9th I've been going with that SAME due date for the past 8 months! But hopefully next week we can start talking about an INDUCTION and an actual TIME and DATE! If Ezra doesn't decide on his own to come when he pleases. I just know that I'm not doing the whole "wait" game. Because watch, he'll be the baby that comes LATE haha. But hoping for good news :D And we cannot wait until Kris and Timmy are here!

36 weeks!!! {{{ONLY 22 DAYS UNTIL THE INDUCTION}}}

This is 35 weeks and 2 days :D compare it to the 36 weeks :D























This is 36 weeks :D You can tell how he's droppped just a little bit :D

35 WEEKS {{[Okay, I'm 2 days early]}}

34 weeks and 5 days......

And this is 30 weeks....

I'm trying to see if there is a difference??

It looks like I've dropped since 30 weeks but I have no idea.....

Busy Busy Busy!

So, we've been without our computer for about 2 weeks now.....it really feels that way.....and we finally got it back today! We are so happy because we can now have better access to the internet and other forms of communication other than through our phones.

Last Friday was a scary one for me at work. Everything was going well we were busy and I was making money. Well, I slipped and fell in front of the ice bin where the drink station is and landed not only on my right wrist area (where I sprained my wrist) and I also fell on my stomach it was not a pretty site. I was immediately taken to the hospital where the nurses were completely amazing. I was on the monitor for a few hours, I was actually having contractions the first half hour-hour I was in the hospital but was able to get fluids in me so I was able to have them stopped without having a baby which was nice. So, now I'm off work until I have an appointment with my OB on Friday to release me back to work. Which I am excited to go back but I wanted to make sure that everything was ok with the baby and me and also get over my anxiety about falling and what not. I hope that I'll be ok.

On a lighter happier note, Trent's unemployment was able to get an extension so that anxiety or stress as I like to call it is gone :D SO YAY. And he also received a phone call yesterday from his old employer TransCare and he has an interview next week (Tuesday) to be exact! I'm so excited I really hope he gets it. And when he does we will have to figure out a babysitter and what not or daycare situation. Because most likely he'll be a 7pm-7am guy.....this means we need another vehicle or need to start saving and looking for a new vehicle....ugh.....I'm happy for him to have this interview just more things to think of now.

34 weeks pregnant today with an amazing little man that I can't wait to bless with the most amazing mommy and daddy on the planet :D

6 weeks..........42 days!.....ummmmm I am hoping that my doctor will schedule me an induction so that these amazing parents can not be so worried about logistics!

Just Smile :D

So, the past week 1/2 has been a long, but an educational one. It's been a very rough past week. Trent has had a rough patch and his unemployment runs out this week, and I'm trying to work as much as I can but I am also 32 weeks pregnant with a baby boy that is blessing another family and I can't work too hard or overdo it. But I know that I have to work my butt off to make up for what income we don't have coming in due to Trent's unemployment running out and jobs just not being there. Trent is so amazing and is so good at everything he puts his mind to. I just really hope that he finds a great job soon. I know as much as he loves being at home, he's ready to start working and we are ready for the kids to go back to daycare and get to interact with children their age instead of just eachother. Hopefully everything works out for the best....Just have tobelieve that God has a plan for us all and maybe this is his plan for Trent and it will all work out in the end.

On a lighter note, it's 8 weeks a.k.a. 55 days until Ezra is suppose to be here. It's probably the most exciting time besides my last 2 pregnancies of my life. The only reason I think it is just even more exciting is because we get to share this amazing experience with the 2 most amazing people I've ever met in my entire life. If anyone deserves to be blessed with a child it is Kris and Timmy. They have been waiting ever so patiently and now they can say they only have 55 days until their little man will be here. I'm scared of the birthing process due to the birth shows that I watch and they just remind me of how hard labor is lol. But I know with Trent there to hold my hand and Kris and Timmy there as well. All and all I cannot wait for that day and it's going to be here soo soon :D. Starting to get to the impatient side of my pregnancy lol. But I am super excited about this whole experience and am ready for it to continue even farther!

It's getting closer!......

So, things have been going smoothly the past week. The job at Cheeseburger is going fabulously.....well....minus the fact that I had to get new shoes because the ones that I did have for work were HORRIBLE. Never buying shoes from Wal-Mart again...so my mom came down for Easter weekend and we got New Balance shoes....ohhh they are soooo comfy. Been working hard and just trying to prepare for what the next 2 months have in store....it's almost time! And personally....I'm ready to be done being pregnant...as much as I love Kris & Timmy.....I just realllllly want to start working out, and being able to run and do all the things I want to do.....but having this big ol' belly is just not working. But here it is.....the Elusive 30 weeks and 4 day picture :D

YES KRIS he's REALLY in there and he is HUGE!

A Great Start to a NEW week :D

So, I never realized how greatful I am for everything that is going on in my life right now. This past week was SUPER busy. I had 2 interviews for jobs which made me very happy because we really need the money and we also have a wedding to pay for :D.

After waiting a few days for a call back I finally received a call back from Cheeseburger In Paradise for a server position :D I'm sooooe excited! I start tomorrow @ 4pm.

And I also made our wedding website for out of towners and other guests that we have coming to our wedding :D .....so Monday is going to start a GREAT NEW WEEK :D (And Wednsday I'll be 30 weeks pregnant! ONLY 10 more to go)

http://www.projectwedding.com/ourwedding/asappylove/welcome

28 weeks!!!! 83 days to go!

I have given in and taken a picture at 28 weeks....I didn't want to take a pic until 30 weeks but oh well I guess I can give in :D. 83 days to go and Baby Ezra will be here to show myself, Trent, Kris, and Timmy why we are here and how close he has brought us. Cannnot wait until the day that he is born I just want to see what he looks like (i'm hoping for a skinny dark hair and blue eyes) but of course if he comes out chubby with no hair and brown eyes he'll be just like Ethyn was lol. Only reason I ask for skinny is because of the delivery....haha. But only 12 weeks left!!! Hopefully he comes early and I don't have to be induced........that seems to be a trend with all my friends lately. And we want him to be here because we want Kris and Timmy to be able to hold such an amazing child. And finally be MOMMY and DADDY (which in a few years they will be wishing they had other names hahah) :D

I took this picture because I was stretching and realized that my belly button felt and was looking different then it had about 4-6 weeks ago.....its starting to go away!....and don't mind the battle scares (i.e. the stretch marks) they were left from my last son Ethyn......that's what the last month of a growing baby will do to you!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like SPRING!

Just thought that I'd share some pictures of the kiddos! It was 58 degrees and sunny here today! Okay technically (MONDAY) lol. It was one of those you just HAVE to go outside if you don't then you are a hermit. And yes, I said 58 degrees, may not sound like much but in Indiana you learn to love 60 degrees in March. :)

A "Monday Inspiration"

We had friends visiting from out of town, these friends are also our videographers for our wedding. I just wanted to show you guys how amazing they are and they made us their first "Monday Inspiration".

Take a look, and hope you all enjoy!!!


http://www.2duce2.com/blog/

Superbowl.....not so super....

Superbowl Sunday was an exciting day! Not only was it Baby Ezra's first superbowl, but we made sure he was "Colts geared" out. (Sorry Kris&Timmy). It was a great game until the Saints came back to dissapoint us all in the great state of Indiana. But all in all it was a great game and it was just wonderful to be able to say that THE COLTS were in the Superbowl this year. I did get a little hell raised on me because I am a Bears fan through and through. BUT my love (Trent) is a die hard Colts fan...has been even before they were any good. So, because I love him I was rooting for the Colts. I even told him if anyone else was playing against the Saints I would have been rooting for the Saints. :).

Went to get a pedicure with Ashlee, and Marie for a girls day a week 1/2 ago. It was so much fun. It was just nice to be able to relax and get a massage in a big comfy chair. It was really hilarious because Ashlee has such ticklish feet the lady giving her her pedicure was laughing because everytime she would use the pumice stone Ashlee would just start laughing. It was all in all a great day and a great time and great retail therapy!

But besides that it's been a very great couple of weeks. It's been awhile since we updated but everything has been great. Baby Ezra is getting so big. (He's a foot long now). I am going to be 24 weeks pregnant tomorrow! only 16 more weeks left!!! Having to change doctors has been a pain in the butt but all in all it's going to be worth it. We want to have a doctor that fully cares about our adoption process and actually wants to understand it. Now, we understand it's a business as well and people have to make money. But my doctor....seriously didn't even care about the fact that we were giving our baby to amazing parents. So, we wanted to find an amazing doctor family that could be so understanding. So, I called Dr. Contreras' office this morning and told the Nurse/Billing office my situation. The office staff was so amazing. The lady didn't even know me and at the end of the phone call asked me how I was doing....REALLY??? That was so awesome. I've never had someone just ask me how I am, if the baby is doing okay etc. It was just awesome.

We found that because of my placenta previa we would not be able to fly to Arizona on my schools spring break. That was really sad because I haven't flown since before 9/11 and I just wanted to go somewhere WARM. But, Kris&Timmy are coming here :). We can't wait. Baby Ezra is getting so big :). We can't wait until he is here so that we can show him how much we love him by giving him to the most amazing family we've ever known.

(Picture is of me and baby ezra on superbowl sunday..it's edited for my Project 365 so Day 39 is day 39 of 365 days of photos)

(22 1/2 weeks pregnant)

The Long Week-End

So, it's been a very interesting week-end to say the least. Last Thursday (01/21/10) I started having really really BAD right flank (back/side/kidney area) pain. It was horrible. I went to my OB on Friday (01/22/10) and she said that I just had a UTI and that I should take anti-biotics. Okay, cool, fine, whatever.

I then realized that the pain was NOT going away, Tylenol wouldn't help, NOTHING was helping. So, what I did was I went to the ER @ Regional Hospital and they took a urine sample and was just like ok well you have a bad infection, but if you get a fever or start vomiting come back in. Well, I came back and the pain just got worse and worse, I was able to fall asleep for maybe 3 hrs if that and it was very horrible sleep. I went back to the ER for a 2nd time they took a urine sample and it...get ready....SAT ON THE COUNTER. They did nothing with it. All they did was give me a Bactrim and some other pill that makes your urine orange. Well, after dealing with being sent away AGAIN I went to the best hospital ever UNION hospital and I was in the Labor&Delivery area and they stated that I needed to be admitted to them because I had a MAJOR infection and it needed to be delt with with IV fluids/anti-biotics. I spent Saturday-Today in the hospital. It was a long but very informational week-end. Found out that I had "hydro" in my kidney's which was fluid back-up that wasn't able to drain it properly, and there was so much inflammation that it was causing the problem in the first place. So, I was given a take-home anti-biotc and darvocet for pain. I feel very happy that I am home with my family. I missed them so much :).

This is the picture that I got from the US tech that shows that we are going to have a BABY BOY (literally lol it's a weenus (kris's words)) But we are so happy to be having a boy for Kris&Timmy :) (Timmy is especially excited I'm sure :))

My belly @ 20 weeks :)
They are trying to figure out what name is better fit Ezra Asher Hunter Angle or Ezra Asher Angle or Ezra Hunter Angle I prefer the longer name but that's just me :). I also am not the one naming them lol. but I did PicNik it to say:

Baby Ezra Asher Hunter Angle

20 Weeks

Halfway There

Baby "Ezra" Angle :) 20 weeks and 1 day (took the picture yesterday). Halfway there, halfway to being able to bless such amazing people with the greatest gift ever given. The gift of life, hope, and love. I'm getting big.....baby "Ezra" is deciding to move a lot more now and kick me whenever necessary. :)

Giving Life......

I was on Facebook and a friend shared a link and when I opened up I just couldn't believe how STRONG and compassionate, and loving this woman is......watch...and btw I don't promise there won't be tears.

http://www.dallasnews.com/s/dws/photography/2009/thomas2/

Winter WonderLand

Yesterday January 7th we woke up to a WINTER WONDERLAND....you think this could have happened...oh ya know..on CHRISTMAS DAY..but it didn't. But because I recently found out that I can't do any heavy lifting and things of that nature due to my Placenta Previa, Trent went with the kids sledding. I was a little sad I couldn't go and I did the typical mommy things. "Make sure they are bundled, make sure if they get cold you keep them warm, keep their hats on them at all times, etc" Trent finally just said "ENOUGH" lol "I know what I'm doing!" He makes me laugh sometimes I do get a little OVER PROTECTED...next time......THEY GET SCARVES. But it was super awesome to see the kids finally get to enjoy the snow.

We originally didn't think they'd be able to because my mom forgot to re-pack Kaelyns snow hat, boots, and her snow suit after they took her for a week. So, Trent went to Once Upon A Child (what a god send that place is) and he got 2 snow suits, a pair of boots (they didn't have any in Kaelyns size so she wore tennis shoes with A CRAP TON of socks lol), got them both hats, and got Ethyn some gloves :).

They weren't gone very long due to the massive winds that were taking over my children and the fact that Deming Park is the worst place to go on the "first snow". Super busy. But here are the pictures that Trent was able to get from their "day of play". :)

Ethyn wants to leave.....right now! haha

So beautiful...but look at those cheeks...poor kids!

1st time down the hill....Ethyn looks peeved....but Kaelyn looks sooooo HAPPY!