Feeling like if life is not one thing/way it's another.
We had a baby so I've been off work for awhile....need to get back to work or we'll be living out of our car...
Our car is literally taking a crap and if we don't get it fixed we will be living out of a car that doesn't have heat.
UGGH I know that God tests the best of us because he wouldn't test us if he didn't know that we could handle it...but really...I don't know how much more of this I can take.
I'm already stressed, ragged, emotional, sad, happy, upset, glad, ecstatic all in one and I'm not a big fan of that. I would like to have just one or 2 emotions a day not 10 all at once. This is getting really hard....
It's like ever since we did such a great thing for someone else it seems like our lives are going down the pooper. I mean our family is great together...just wish things good would start happening for us.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
How To Sum Up The Past 2 weeks {{Is that possible?}}
Ok, so that past 2 weeks have been AMAZING. I use that word a lot but it is the easiest word to use. Because really there are no words to describe all of the emotions that have been going through my head the past couple of weeks. Maybe to be able to sum it all up I have to go day by day. So, bear with me, it's my way of keeping my emotions in check, and coping with all the good and the sad.
{{Tuesday, June 1, 2010}}
Such an exciting day. Kris&Timmy were flying out this evening to see come for Ezra's arrival. Needless to say I didn't get much done. I was trying to stay busy and keep focused and get some cleaning done but that just didn't happen. It was just a very relaxing and exciting day with so much going on I can barely remember it all.
{{Wednesday, June 2, 2010}}
This was just a great day! Timmy and Kris had arrived safe and sound and I would get a little bit of "day time" with Kris as well as get to have them around for my doctor's appointment. They got to hear Ezra's heartbeat as well as get to be in the room with me while the doctor set up my induction time and pretty much made it official that we were having a baby the next day, bright and early! After the doctor's appointment Kris and I went to get pedicures. We wanted to get blue toes, I originally thought that Kris should get an E (for Ezra) and she could add some polka dots, but we had a NAZI nail lady who insisted that we get flowers....so since the lady spent so much time on the flower I decided oh well I'll keep it. (Kris later went and covered her flower up haha). After the pedicure we went to BabiesRUs and I showed Kris what it was like to park in the "Expecting Mothers" parking. We had to get a boppy and a boppy cover (which Kris was able to get the one that she liked online) :D. After that running around we picked up the boys and the kiddos and decided to hit up my place of employment and have some lunch. I introduced them to some fried pickles (which because I was still pregnant they were AMAZING...and they still are!) We then decided to go home because they were coming over later. Which they came over later and Kris made the most amazing Spaghetti and Meatballs on the planet. Trent can agree because he ate it for leftovers. :D. After dinner we went out seperate ways because we had a long day the next day (at least we hoped it wasn't toooo long)
**Later that night**
So, I was supppose to be up at 4 am (I set this time because I wanted time to get ready) well...needless to say I had NO sleep....I think maybe 2 hours.
{{Thursday, June 3, 2010}}
D-DAY!!! (Delivery Day)
Woke up at 4:15-4:30ish and got ready. at 5:30 headed to the hospital to get ready for my induction! Around 6:30 I finally received my PITOCIN! It was pretty awesome. The whole day was PERFECTION. I asked for the epidural before the doctor came in to break my water because I knew if the doctor broke my water before I got the epidural that things would just be worse. So, perfection means that when I asked for my epidural the anesthesiologist walks in and then the doctor walked in right after they started to put the epidural in. Wooo. So, I got lucky. Then after they did the epidural the doctor came in and broke my water and finally around 12:15 I started feeling like OMG I have to push. And finally, at 12:33 PM Ezra made his debut! And the only thing that I could ask everyone was "does he have hair"...and the reason that I wanted to know that was because I wanted to know if my heartburn had a reason! :D And of course he had hair!!! AND he has blue eyes. All the more amazing. That whole day was a whirlwind.
I was told not to eat from midnight on the night before because right after I had Ezra I was suppose to have my tubal ligation and unfortunately because of ALL the babies that were being born that day (7 all together) and so unfortunately I didn't eat for 18 hours and was finally told you will have your surgery in the morning go ahead and eat. So, because Timmy is so awesome he went and got me some food! And I let Kris&Timmy enjoy their time with Ezra, and to make sure that they were able to get the most time of the feedings, and also the diaper changing they could. So, Kris and Timmy stayed on the couch in my room so that Ezra could stay in the room with us. After all of that was said and done I was exhausted and just passed out!
{{Friday, June 4, 2010}}
Bright and Early, because I was having surgery I didn't eat yet again! So, at 9:30 because I was still so exhausted they headed me down to surgery (I had to have general anesthesia) so I get downstairs and I pass out because I'm super exhausted, but they wheel me in the room to start my surgery and they say breath this in (supposedly it was oxygen) but after about 5 or 6 breaths I PASSED OUT! Next thing I remember I am going back into my room and getting back into my bed and going back to sleep because I'm soooo exhausted. I wake up remember eating, and remember how much pain I was in, looked down at my belly button and realize it has these tape pieces on it. I didn't even want to see the incision. Friday was a dramatic day, come to find out that Ezra wasn't able to be discharged without a court order (just a wrench in the whole adoption thing) and I couldn't sign papers because I had been under the anesthesia and I wasn't able to make an "informed" decision until 24 hours after the anesthesia wore off. So, we ended up having to stay in the hospital until Monday.
**SKIP TO MONDAY** (the weekend was full of the everyday thing, feedings, holding Ezra, spending time with Kris&Timmy and seeing all the visitors)
{{Monday, June 7, 2010}}
One of the hardest days of my entire life. The night before, everything was okay, until Ezra had his first "hungry, unhappy" cry. And, then all of the sudden my "mommy mode" came into play and I started to bawl my eyes out. I tried to keep it on the down low, because I didn't really want to show my sensitive side. So, I cried, and then just went to sleep. So, in the morning Dave showed up around 10:00 to start the paperwork. Before this Kris&Timmy went upstairs and had their showers and so I called Ezra in from the nursery to have my alone time. So, when Dave arrived Maria was there as well and she read me this book that just made me cry some more. But finally, after the time I was able to sign the papers (Ezra still in arms). There were so many people in the room it ust felt really unreal. But after the papers were signed we invited Kris&Timmy back in the room and I wanted to be able to give her Ezra and call tell her "Hi, Mommy"...to just let her know that it was official, the moment she had been waiting for had finally come, and it was official.
I was discharged from the hospital that day and so was Ezra. Leaving was hard. I slept most of the day, barely ate and pretty much cried whenever I saw something that had Ezra on it, clothes I had worn when I was pregnant with Ezra, and even his ultrasound picture, I bawled my eyes out. I had to sleep with the elephant that they got me just to feel "relaxed".
{{Tuesday, June 8, 2010}}
A day of crying ...that's really all I can say about this day.
{{June 9-11, 2010}}
These days were filled with visiting Ezra and relaxing with the new parents! (THEY FINALLY GOT A FACEBOOK)
{{Saturday, June 12, 2010}}
Trent and I have been looking into religion a lot. We haven't been quite feeling our church and what it stands for and we have been questioning faith and what it means and where we come from etc. So, we were talking to Kris & Timmy about their religion. They are LDS/Mormon. And they were able to get us a meeting with the missionaries so we could talk about it and start the whole process. We had our first meeting with the missionaries and it was amazing. Really opened our eyes. So, we decided that we would go to church the next day.
{{Sunday, June 13, 2010}}
Our first church service...again AMAZING. Ok, it was awkward, but not in a bad way. When they did sacrament and passed the bread, and the water around I felt like we were in a Catholic church where if you weren't baptized in the church then you couldn't take of the "communion". Well, Kaelyn had a piece of the bread but we ended up just passing the bread and water down to Timmy. But come to find out we could've taken the bread and water but hey you live and you learn. Church is 3 hours long so we ended up only staying for the first hour. But that was to get a feel for it and we really liked it. We will just remember to bring more coloring books, and fruit snacks!
{{Monday, June 14, 2010}}
Another day of visiting with Kris, Timmy and Ezra. Also, had another meeting visiting with the missionaries and having another lesson. After the missionaries left Kris and Timmy let me in on the fact that they had received their okay to leave the state and to go home. I was prepared for them to go home on Thursday but hadn't prepared myself for the fact that they were leaving sooner. I think I got too used to the fact that they were in town, and seemed to forget that they weren't from here. I got used to them being a fixture in my life. But it's ok. I did break down and cry a little bit but I realized that they are homesick, and that they need to get back home and be in their own routine. Which is fine.
{{Tuesday, June 15, 2010}}
Today was the last day for a little bit that I'd get to see Ezra. So, I made sure that I spent as much time as possible with Ezra, Kris&Timmy. I gave my kisses, and my hugs and said my "see you laters" because there is no such thing as "Goodbye"..it's always see you later.
I already miss them. I miss ALL of them. I miss my family. I miss Ezra because I carried him for 9 months there is no way that I could sit here and say that I don't love him and that it doesn't hurt that he's gone. I can't say that I won't miss Kris because she is like a sister to me, and she's like the big sister I never had. She is so amazing and I am so proud that I was able to make her the mom she has always wanted to be. And I will miss Timmy because he's so hilarious! He can make you laugh no matter what, but yet still have the serious side, Trent pretty much calls him his ninja friend! I can't wait until December. I am hoping that we can $ave so that we can make that trip.
**So as we were visiting Kris&Timmy Trent received a phone call from the employment office thing that he applied through and HE GOT A JOB! It only pays $8.00/hour but it's a JOB...it gets him off unemployment and OUT OF THE HOUSE! WOOOOOO :D**
All in all it has been the most amazing 2 weeks of my life. Good, and sad....it has been the best. I love my family. I can now say I'm not only a Mommy, but a Birthmommy and that makes me proud.
I had to lose a part of my heart to make Kris' heart full....and believe me it's worth it. No matter how hard it is. ~Be the hope you wish to see in the world~
<3
{{Tuesday, June 1, 2010}}
Such an exciting day. Kris&Timmy were flying out this evening to see come for Ezra's arrival. Needless to say I didn't get much done. I was trying to stay busy and keep focused and get some cleaning done but that just didn't happen. It was just a very relaxing and exciting day with so much going on I can barely remember it all.
{{Wednesday, June 2, 2010}}
This was just a great day! Timmy and Kris had arrived safe and sound and I would get a little bit of "day time" with Kris as well as get to have them around for my doctor's appointment. They got to hear Ezra's heartbeat as well as get to be in the room with me while the doctor set up my induction time and pretty much made it official that we were having a baby the next day, bright and early! After the doctor's appointment Kris and I went to get pedicures. We wanted to get blue toes, I originally thought that Kris should get an E (for Ezra) and she could add some polka dots, but we had a NAZI nail lady who insisted that we get flowers....so since the lady spent so much time on the flower I decided oh well I'll keep it. (Kris later went and covered her flower up haha). After the pedicure we went to BabiesRUs and I showed Kris what it was like to park in the "Expecting Mothers" parking. We had to get a boppy and a boppy cover (which Kris was able to get the one that she liked online) :D. After that running around we picked up the boys and the kiddos and decided to hit up my place of employment and have some lunch. I introduced them to some fried pickles (which because I was still pregnant they were AMAZING...and they still are!) We then decided to go home because they were coming over later. Which they came over later and Kris made the most amazing Spaghetti and Meatballs on the planet. Trent can agree because he ate it for leftovers. :D. After dinner we went out seperate ways because we had a long day the next day (at least we hoped it wasn't toooo long)
**Later that night**
So, I was supppose to be up at 4 am (I set this time because I wanted time to get ready) well...needless to say I had NO sleep....I think maybe 2 hours.
{{Thursday, June 3, 2010}}
D-DAY!!! (Delivery Day)
Woke up at 4:15-4:30ish and got ready. at 5:30 headed to the hospital to get ready for my induction! Around 6:30 I finally received my PITOCIN! It was pretty awesome. The whole day was PERFECTION. I asked for the epidural before the doctor came in to break my water because I knew if the doctor broke my water before I got the epidural that things would just be worse. So, perfection means that when I asked for my epidural the anesthesiologist walks in and then the doctor walked in right after they started to put the epidural in. Wooo. So, I got lucky. Then after they did the epidural the doctor came in and broke my water and finally around 12:15 I started feeling like OMG I have to push. And finally, at 12:33 PM Ezra made his debut! And the only thing that I could ask everyone was "does he have hair"...and the reason that I wanted to know that was because I wanted to know if my heartburn had a reason! :D And of course he had hair!!! AND he has blue eyes. All the more amazing. That whole day was a whirlwind.
I was told not to eat from midnight on the night before because right after I had Ezra I was suppose to have my tubal ligation and unfortunately because of ALL the babies that were being born that day (7 all together) and so unfortunately I didn't eat for 18 hours and was finally told you will have your surgery in the morning go ahead and eat. So, because Timmy is so awesome he went and got me some food! And I let Kris&Timmy enjoy their time with Ezra, and to make sure that they were able to get the most time of the feedings, and also the diaper changing they could. So, Kris and Timmy stayed on the couch in my room so that Ezra could stay in the room with us. After all of that was said and done I was exhausted and just passed out!
{{Friday, June 4, 2010}}
Bright and Early, because I was having surgery I didn't eat yet again! So, at 9:30 because I was still so exhausted they headed me down to surgery (I had to have general anesthesia) so I get downstairs and I pass out because I'm super exhausted, but they wheel me in the room to start my surgery and they say breath this in (supposedly it was oxygen) but after about 5 or 6 breaths I PASSED OUT! Next thing I remember I am going back into my room and getting back into my bed and going back to sleep because I'm soooo exhausted. I wake up remember eating, and remember how much pain I was in, looked down at my belly button and realize it has these tape pieces on it. I didn't even want to see the incision. Friday was a dramatic day, come to find out that Ezra wasn't able to be discharged without a court order (just a wrench in the whole adoption thing) and I couldn't sign papers because I had been under the anesthesia and I wasn't able to make an "informed" decision until 24 hours after the anesthesia wore off. So, we ended up having to stay in the hospital until Monday.
**SKIP TO MONDAY** (the weekend was full of the everyday thing, feedings, holding Ezra, spending time with Kris&Timmy and seeing all the visitors)
{{Monday, June 7, 2010}}
One of the hardest days of my entire life. The night before, everything was okay, until Ezra had his first "hungry, unhappy" cry. And, then all of the sudden my "mommy mode" came into play and I started to bawl my eyes out. I tried to keep it on the down low, because I didn't really want to show my sensitive side. So, I cried, and then just went to sleep. So, in the morning Dave showed up around 10:00 to start the paperwork. Before this Kris&Timmy went upstairs and had their showers and so I called Ezra in from the nursery to have my alone time. So, when Dave arrived Maria was there as well and she read me this book that just made me cry some more. But finally, after the time I was able to sign the papers (Ezra still in arms). There were so many people in the room it ust felt really unreal. But after the papers were signed we invited Kris&Timmy back in the room and I wanted to be able to give her Ezra and call tell her "Hi, Mommy"...to just let her know that it was official, the moment she had been waiting for had finally come, and it was official.
I was discharged from the hospital that day and so was Ezra. Leaving was hard. I slept most of the day, barely ate and pretty much cried whenever I saw something that had Ezra on it, clothes I had worn when I was pregnant with Ezra, and even his ultrasound picture, I bawled my eyes out. I had to sleep with the elephant that they got me just to feel "relaxed".
{{Tuesday, June 8, 2010}}
A day of crying ...that's really all I can say about this day.
{{June 9-11, 2010}}
These days were filled with visiting Ezra and relaxing with the new parents! (THEY FINALLY GOT A FACEBOOK)
{{Saturday, June 12, 2010}}
Trent and I have been looking into religion a lot. We haven't been quite feeling our church and what it stands for and we have been questioning faith and what it means and where we come from etc. So, we were talking to Kris & Timmy about their religion. They are LDS/Mormon. And they were able to get us a meeting with the missionaries so we could talk about it and start the whole process. We had our first meeting with the missionaries and it was amazing. Really opened our eyes. So, we decided that we would go to church the next day.
{{Sunday, June 13, 2010}}
Our first church service...again AMAZING. Ok, it was awkward, but not in a bad way. When they did sacrament and passed the bread, and the water around I felt like we were in a Catholic church where if you weren't baptized in the church then you couldn't take of the "communion". Well, Kaelyn had a piece of the bread but we ended up just passing the bread and water down to Timmy. But come to find out we could've taken the bread and water but hey you live and you learn. Church is 3 hours long so we ended up only staying for the first hour. But that was to get a feel for it and we really liked it. We will just remember to bring more coloring books, and fruit snacks!
{{Monday, June 14, 2010}}
Another day of visiting with Kris, Timmy and Ezra. Also, had another meeting visiting with the missionaries and having another lesson. After the missionaries left Kris and Timmy let me in on the fact that they had received their okay to leave the state and to go home. I was prepared for them to go home on Thursday but hadn't prepared myself for the fact that they were leaving sooner. I think I got too used to the fact that they were in town, and seemed to forget that they weren't from here. I got used to them being a fixture in my life. But it's ok. I did break down and cry a little bit but I realized that they are homesick, and that they need to get back home and be in their own routine. Which is fine.
{{Tuesday, June 15, 2010}}
Today was the last day for a little bit that I'd get to see Ezra. So, I made sure that I spent as much time as possible with Ezra, Kris&Timmy. I gave my kisses, and my hugs and said my "see you laters" because there is no such thing as "Goodbye"..it's always see you later.
I already miss them. I miss ALL of them. I miss my family. I miss Ezra because I carried him for 9 months there is no way that I could sit here and say that I don't love him and that it doesn't hurt that he's gone. I can't say that I won't miss Kris because she is like a sister to me, and she's like the big sister I never had. She is so amazing and I am so proud that I was able to make her the mom she has always wanted to be. And I will miss Timmy because he's so hilarious! He can make you laugh no matter what, but yet still have the serious side, Trent pretty much calls him his ninja friend! I can't wait until December. I am hoping that we can $ave so that we can make that trip.
**So as we were visiting Kris&Timmy Trent received a phone call from the employment office thing that he applied through and HE GOT A JOB! It only pays $8.00/hour but it's a JOB...it gets him off unemployment and OUT OF THE HOUSE! WOOOOOO :D**
All in all it has been the most amazing 2 weeks of my life. Good, and sad....it has been the best. I love my family. I can now say I'm not only a Mommy, but a Birthmommy and that makes me proud.
I had to lose a part of my heart to make Kris' heart full....and believe me it's worth it. No matter how hard it is. ~Be the hope you wish to see in the world~
<3
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Today....was better
Monday..was the day.
I cried a lot that day.
I wished it was still May.
Tuesday...began with tears.
As I sat and went through all of my fears.
I asked myself how I'd make it through the next few years.
Today....I saw perfection and love.
I got to hold him in my arms.
There were no tears today.
Today....was better.
I cried a lot that day.
I wished it was still May.
Tuesday...began with tears.
As I sat and went through all of my fears.
I asked myself how I'd make it through the next few years.
Today....I saw perfection and love.
I got to hold him in my arms.
There were no tears today.
Today....was better.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
a PERFECT arrival
June 3rd 2010, 12:33 pm, 8 lbs 4 oz, 21 inches long. Ezra Hunter was born.
the induction
the epidural
the water breakage
the pushing
the arrival...
ALL PERFECT.
Coming home...it hasn't been perfect, but no one said it would. No one said it was easy.
Must start the healing process....whatever that may be.
the induction
the epidural
the water breakage
the pushing
the arrival...
ALL PERFECT.
Coming home...it hasn't been perfect, but no one said it would. No one said it was easy.
Must start the healing process....whatever that may be.
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